I’m a Christian, and sometimes a teacher/preacher.

At ConGlomeration 2016, I preached about dungeons and dragons (the ones in the Bible, not the roleplaying game itself).

Dungeons

There are several references to dungeons in the Bible. Here is one of the most famous:

Joseph’s master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king’s prisoners were confined. (Genesis 39:20)

Joseph (of “technicolor dreamcoat” fame) was sold into slavery by his own family, then wrongly accused by his owner’s wife. Despite his obvious integrity and quick rise through the ranks, he was thrown into prison (which might have been a dungeon, or a holding facility until he did go into the dungeon).

After a few years there, he tells another prisoner:

“I was forcibly carried off from the land of the Hebrews, and even here I have done nothing to deserve being put in a dungeon.” (Genesis 40:12)

After once again showing his impeccable character, one of the prisoners that he helped get back to his old job remembered him when the Pharaoh had a troubling dream.

Pharaoh sent for Joseph, and he was quickly brought from the dungeon. When he had shaved and changed his clothes, he came before Pharaoh.
Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I had a dream, and no one can interpret it. But I have heard it said of you that when you hear a dream you can interpret it.”
“I cannot do it,” Joseph replied to Pharaoh, “but God will give Pharaoh the answer he desires.” (Genesis 41:14-16)

Joseph finally got his first taste of freedom after years in the dungeon, and gives God the credit for his talent. What a guy.

After Joseph was promoted to the number two man in the empire, and reuniting with his family, they settled there in Egypt and grew in numbers.

Centuries later, the Israelites had been enslaved as a people until God had Moses lead them out. The last step in that process was this tenth plague:

At midnight the Lord struck down all the firstborn in Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the firstborn of the prisoner, who was in the dungeon, and the firstborn of all the livestock as well.  (Exodus 12:29)

What these passages say to me is that, like Joseph, there is no dungeon so deep, no situation so dire, where God cannot save us. Conversely, like the plagued firstborn, there is no throne so lofty and protected nor dungeon so remote and forgotten that God cannot discipline us.

Dragons

Many of us face metaphorical dragons in our lives. Addiction. Poverty. Depression. Abandonment. Sometimes we slay these dragons, and sometimes the dragon wins.

Besides the dragons in our heads and hearts, there have been literal and figurative dragons mentioned in the Bible.

The most famous dragon in the Bible is the red dragon in Revelation (aka the Apocalypse).

Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. (Revelation 12:3-4)
And I saw an angel coming down out of heaven, having the key to the Abyss and holding in his hand a great chain. He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years. He threw him into the Abyss, and locked and sealed it over him, to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were ended. After that, he must be set free for a short time. (Revelation 20:1-3)

The dragon is mentioned much more than this in that book, so investigate further if you’re interested.

Revelation is a bit of a strange book. It is true on many levels at once. It is literal, figurative, general, specific, past, present, and/or future — all at once. As a famous doctor once sagely explained, it’s “timey wimey.”

There is a lot that can be learned from the passages above, like Satan’s fall from heaven, the third of angels that fell with him, Satan’s revenge plot against man and God, his coming punishment and following rampage, but let’s just keep it simple, and only look at Satan’s defeat.

The Apostle John wasn’t the only one that wrote about Satan’s defeat. Isaiah also spoke of the Lord slaying a dragon (plus, I’ve always thought “terrible, swift sword” was a cool phrase):

In that day the Lord will take his terrible, swift sword and punish the coiling, writhing serpent. He will kill the dragon of the sea. (Isaiah 27:1)

This tells me that there is no dragon so big that God cannot defeat it. Even more than that, God has already defeated (and at the same time is defeating and will defeat) the biggest dragon of them all (more timey wimey going on here).

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This sermon did not have slides, but here is a flyer and the bulletin.

I’m a Christian, and sometimes a teacher/preacher.

As a weirdo, I love reaching out to my fellow weirdos.

Monsters Back in the Day…

There are several monsters recorded in the Bible’s Old Testament.

There were giants in the earth in those days. The sons of God bred with the daughters of man, they gave birth to children who became the heroes and famous warriors of ancient times. (Genesis 6:4)

The giants were called nephilim. The race of giant is where Goliath came from. The sons of God here could refer to angels (probably of the fallen kind), or of God’s chosen people.

Look at Behemoth, which I made, just as I made you. It eats grass like an ox. See its powerful muscles. Its tail is as strong as a cedar. Its bones are tubes of bronze. Its limbs are bars of iron. It lies under the plants, hidden by the reeds in the marsh. It is not disturbed by the raging river, not concerned when the swelling Jordan rushes around it. The Behemoth is a prime example of God’s handiwork. Only its Creator can threaten it. (Job 40:15-24)

The Leviathan’s double coat of armor is impenetrable. Its mouth is ringed with fearsome teeth. Its back has rows of shields tightly sealed together. It snorts flashes of light; its eyes are like the rays of dawn. Lightning leaps from its mouth; flames of fire flash out. Smoke pours from its nostrils like steam from a heated pot. Its breath kindles coals, and flames shoot from its mouth. Its heart is hard as rock. No sword can stop it, no spear, dart, or javelin. Iron is nothing but straw to that creature, and bronze is like rotten wood. Arrows cannot make it flee. Stones shot from a sling are like bits of grass. Clubs are counted as stubble; he laughs at the rattle of javelins. Its belly is covered with scales as sharp as glass, that plow up the ground as it drags through the mud. It makes the waters boil like a kettle. Nothing on earth is its equal– a creature without fear. (Job 41:13-34)

In that day the Lord will take his terrible swift sword and punish Leviathan, the swiftly moving serpent, the coiling writhing serpent. He will kill the dragon of the sea. (Isaiah 27:1)

Some have postulated that the Behemoth and Leviathan are today’s hippopotamus and alligator, respectively. Some of the descriptions fit, but the language would have to be hyperbolic. The Behemoth’s tail being as strong as a cedar makes it sound more like a dinosaur to me. And the Leviathan snorting flashes of light and making waters boil like a kettle doesn’t sound like any alligator I’ve heard of.

Another Bible monster is the giant fish that swallowed Jonah and vomited him out onto after three days. It’s possible that he was not alone when that happened. The reason that all the Ninevites repented could be that many of them saw him “ride into town” on a giant sea serpent.

Monsters Coming Soon…

Not all Bible monsters are in the past. As we approach the end times, there will come a monstrous beast.

A beast will come from the sea, having ten horns and seven heads. The beast is like a leopard, with feet like those of a bear, and a mouth like a lion’s. The dragon will give him his power. One of the beast’s heads had been slain, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole earth was amazed and worshiped the dragon and the beast. (Revelation 13:1-3)

This could be allegoric. If the beast is a collection of nations, the leopard could refer to Africa, the bear could refer to Russia, and the lion to England representing three continents.

Aliens in the Bible

Ezekiel describes something that sounds very similar to what we’d consider a spaceship with alien visitors.

I saw an immense cloud that flashed with lightning, and shone with brilliant light. The center looked like glowing metal. Out came four beings that looked human but they had four faces and four wings, with a hand beneath each wing. Each of them had a human face in the front, a lion’s face on the right, a bull’s face on the left, and an eagle’s face in the back. (Ezekiel 1:4-10)

Aliens Among Us

There is another kind of alien, and there are some here on Earth right now. You may know one, or even be one.

I urge you as strangers and aliens to abstain from sinful desires that battle for your soul. (1 Peter 2:11)

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They admitted that they were strangers and aliens on earth. (Hebrews 11:13)

Alien here is used with the meaning of foreigner or outsider.

I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away; and there was no more sea. (Revelation 21:1)

This is not our home. As Christians, our citizenship is heaven. We are here as ambassadors to a foreign land, representing our king and his kingdom.

We should live lives of such distinction that we seem to be from another planet. Some of us has a head start on that aspect. 😉

Go out there and be an alien for God.

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You can download the slides here.