Dave Mattingly 6:35 pm on January 12, 2016

Body of Work – Games

Over the years, I’ve worked on a lot of books.

Here are (I think) all the game books I’ve been a part of, which could mean wrote, edited, formatted, illustrated, designed, or something else.

And some visual products that I’ve been a part of.

Click here to see my full body of work.

Dave Mattingly 11:51 am on January 12, 2016

Body of Work – Fiction/Nonfiction

Over the years, I’ve worked on a lot of books.

Here are (I think) all the novels and non-fiction I’ve published, and sometimes edited or designed the covers for.

Click here to see my full body of work.

Dave Mattingly 11:01 am on January 6, 2016

Special Characters in SQL Server

Databases sometimes get unexpected characters in their data.

If your customer’s name is “José” but you search for “Jose”, you won’t (by default) find him.

Here’s a simple way to take care of that in your SQL database, without changing the data that you have.

select 'áàâãäåāăąćĉċčďđéëêèēĕėęĝğġģĥħìíîïĩīĭįıĵķĺļľłñńņňòóôõöōŏőơŕŗřśŝşšţťŧùúûüũūŭůűųưŵŷźżž'
select 'áàâãäåāăąćĉċčďđéëêèēĕėęĝğġģĥħìíîïĩīĭįıĵķĺļľłñńņňòóôõöōŏőơŕŗřśŝşšţťŧùúûüũūŭůűųưŵŷźżž' Collate SQL_Latin1_General_CP1253_CI_AI

select 'ĥéĺłô ŵòŕľđ' Collate SQL_Latin1_General_CP1253_CI_AI

Using Collate SQL_Latin1_General_CP1253_CI_AI, you can leave all the accents in your data, but still treat it like it’s all made up of “normal” characters.

It’s also great as you’re transferring data from one system to another, if the second system can’t handle those characters because of technology or programming limitations.

Dave Mattingly 8:51 am on January 5, 2016

Meep on the Borderland

What if all of your favorite fantasy movies were remade with Muppets? Arm your felt with broadswords, holy symbols, magic wands, and a ten-foot pole. One does not simply wokka wokka into Mordor.

The Hopalong Kid, played by Kermit, leads the band of rebels known as the Muppy Men. He is joined by Cap’n Swagger and some of his pirate crew, and by Lady Prosciutta and her bodyguard Sir Paragon.

What Is This?

This is for a tabletop roleplaying game called Champions Complete, which is published by Hero Games.

Games like this have been a hobby of mine for decades, and I enjoy mixing up genres (like Muppets + fantasy, or cereal mascots + pulp, or squids + lasers, and such).

If you’d like to play a game of Muppet fantasy yourself, you’ll need the Champions Complete book (or ebook), some handfuls of dice, some players (up to 15), and about four hours.

Theme Song

It’s time to roll the dice now
It’s time for sleight of hand
It’s time to save the kingdom
on the Meeping Borderland

It’s time to grab your weapon
and forcefully expand
It’s time to raise the banner
on the Meeping Borderland

And now let’s get things started
On the most fantastical
un-scholastical
really drastical
quite sarcastical

This is what we call the Muppet game!

The Characters

Kermit: The Hopalong Kid leads the Muppy Men, a group of rebels living in the forest. He believes that all muppets should be free, and fights (politely) against the oppressive monarchy.
Fozzie: Friar Schmuck was climbing his way up the slapstick ladder to his dream job of becoming a professional jester, when he felt god tapping him on the shoulder. He entered ministry, and felt gratified at his new calling, although a life of comedy still frequents his thoughts.
Scooter: Tenderfoot is striving to achieve every merit badge he can. To that end, he’s gaining valuable outdoor experience by serving under Hopalong as his chief reconnaissance agent and gofer.
Sweetums: Fuzz Polearm fell on hard times, and took to marauding travelers on the bridge near his home. When Hopalong defeated him in open combat, he swore loyalty to the only amphibian to ever best him in battle.
Swedish Chef: Meatball used to act as bodyguard and cook to the king, but was fired for an entrée mishap. Disgraced, he fled the palace and joined up with the Muppy Men. He’s happy to be appreciated for his skills, even though they all speak mit der foony eccent.
Dr. Teeth: Bedlam had lost his way, musically. It all started to sound stale. His muse had left him. Then he heard tell of a band of rebels fighting the good fight against oppression, and sought to join their ranks. Now that he has a new cause in his life, his lifeblood music flows freely once more.
Animal: Savage was abandoned in the wilds, and raised by a friendly family of Tasmanian devils. Bedlam “adopted” him onto his travels, when finally they met up with Hopalong and the Muppy Men. Together, they try to teach Savage how to live in civil society. The tough part now is finding a society that actually is civil.
Rowlf: Allegro is a part of nature, and nature is a part of him. He welcomes other nature-loving folk, and made fast friends with Hopalong and his ever-growing band of Muppy Men.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Prodigy was chief alchemist to the palace, until his lab exploded, for which he was blamed. Fearing for his life, he grabbed what gear he could, and fled. Becoming lost in the woods, he smelled the campfire smoke of the Muppy Men, and offered his services in exchange for food and shelter. It’s not the strongest alliance, but it’s worked so far.
Beaker: Jinxalot was born under a curse. His parents took him to witches, doctors, witch doctors, and many other specialists who probed and prodded him relentlessly. Although the curse wasn’t fully lifted, its effects were mitigated through magical and alchemical means, but with a few side effects such as his unintelligible speech. Despite that, Jinxalot showed an affinity for the dark arts, and has studies to become a wizard himself, searching for a cure to his affliction. His search brought him to Allegro, who is trying some natural herbal cures.
Miss Piggy: Lady Prosciutta Honeybake is eleventh in line to be queen, and loves being referred to as Princess. She uses her natural talent for the magical arts to aid her courtly doings. When Hopalong saved her carriage from bandits, she fell madly in love.
Sam: Sir Paragon believes fervently in truth, justice, and the patriotic way. He devotes himself to his country’s and his god’s service and defense. Upon receiving his knighthood, he was assigned as the personal guard for Lady Prosciutta. He doesn’t approve of her romantic choices, and finds himself at odds with his duty to his nation and his station. He helps Hopalong’s group uneasily, as long as they don’t directly act against the realm.
Gonzo the Great: Cap’n Swagger is a notorious pirate who used to raid the king’s longships for stores of root beer. When he attacked a poultry ship, he was appalled by the condition of the chicken slaves, and forged an uneasy alliance with Hopalong’s forest men.
Lew Zealand: Ahab Santiago Cousteau doesn’t usually realize that not everyone is as fascinated by fish as he is. While deep sea fishing, he was pressed into military service by the king’s navy until he was “rescued” by pirates. He came to love the pirate lifestyle and his fellow seafarers and, like Cap’n Swagger, was revolted when he learned that the royal navy bred fish in tanks to feed to livestock.
Crazy Harry: Pompeii was a “made man” – a member of the Muppia organized crime family. Barely surviving an attack on his family, the explosion may have rattled his brains a little more than he realizes. He has gone mercenary, and chosen to use explosives as his weapon of choice, to honor his family. He booked passage on Cap’n Swagger’s pirate ship, believes the Muppy Men can help him find his family’s enemies.

Highlights

Some highlights from times that I’ve run this:

As we were about to sing the theme song, Sam the Eagle’s player got all the other players to “rise for the national anthem.”
Fozzie had to get the gate sentries (Statler and Waldorf) to laugh in order to enter the castle, but couldn’t come up with a second joke that would get them to laugh, so Animal kicked his legs out from under him, which worked.
The Swedish Chef got Sweetums to throw him at the airborne Big Bird, and not only was able to grab hold, but succeeded at multiple Riding checks to stay on his back, hacking away with cleavers as his rode the yellow beast through the air.
Cap’n Swagger disguised himself as a giant fish, convinced that Ahab could then fling him.
To defeat Count von Count, the counting vampire, Pompeii put some dynamite into Friar Schmuck’s holy rubber chicken, when the Hopalong Kid fired as an arrow.

General Plot

Cap’n Swagger’s pirate crew is bringing a shipment of root beer from the Barq islands to his pal Hopalong. Hopalong wants to invite Lady Prosciutta to the party, but has to sneak into the castle because he’s a wanted frog. While there, someone is kidnapped by the flying fuzzy flumphs Klaatu and Barada. Kermit and Piggy they rejoin at the hideout camp to launch a rescue.

Along the way, the team encounters Salsa and Marina, who throw tomatoes with deadly accuracy unless the team agrees to pay a toll to cross their bridge. Once across, Papa Pigba is communing with Luau in service of his evil masters. During battle, Hellmo will spring from his firepit. Shortly (ha!) before or after this, Scampi‘s kobolds will take potshots with tranquilizer blowguns, anticipating an easy meal.

The heroes finally see the haunted ruins across the slime swamp. If they cross through the swamp, they’re attacked by its unnatural guardian Swampalupagus who slowly fades in an out of sight and tangibility. Inside the ruins, they are “greeted” by Crumbles the raging barbarian and his bloodthirsty companion Squawk, who swoops in and out with his deadly talons.

The true threats are the alien flumphs who can lay down the mental whammy with their Yip-Yips, Dr. Jif who can summon and control peanut butter (creamy and crunchy), and the true mastermind Countsferatu.

Download

You can get a copy of the character sheets here.

And the character nameplates here (heroes) and here (villains).

Villains (front, L to R): Papa Pigba the shaman, Hellmo the imp, Scampi and his the kobold tribe, Salsa and Marinara the archers

Villains (middle): Dr. Jif the peanut butter sorceror supreme, Countsferatu the vampire, Crumbles the barbarian, Squawk the gladiator

Villains (back): Klaatu and Barada the flumphs, Luau the fire spirit, Triclops the ettin giant, and Swampalupagus the abberation

Dave Mattingly 11:10 am on December 31, 2015

Life in the Clouds

Here is my year, presented in word cloud format from my three feeds.

There’s a lot of overlap, as you’d expect, but each platform presents its own slice of my life.

Blog

Twitter

Facebook

Dave Mattingly 2:28 pm on December 30, 2015

Master Data

Master Data Management (MDM) is a way of keeping your data accurate.

I’ve spoken about MDM at companies, technology groups, business groups, database groups, conferences, college classes, and more.

Here’s the general overview that I typically give (download the PowerPoint file).

Overview

“Too much information is driving me insane.” (Too Much Information, The Police, 1981)

“Two men say they’re Jesus. One of them must be wrong.” (Industrial Disease, Dire Straits, 1982)

“A man with one watch always knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.” (San Diego Union, Lee Segall, 9/30/1930)

To master your data, take these steps:

look at each record of incoming data
standardize the formatting (phone numbers, addresses, etc.)
validate that it is allowable in your system (sure, 1/1/1900 is a real birthdate, but is it really the date that you made a sale?)
have a human being look through the edge cases (this John Smith might be the same as that other John Smith)
integrate the good/new/updated record into your master
communicate the update/entry to any systems that are interested

Benefits

When this is done, it opens up many possibilities for improvement.

When you know that your data is correct, you can:

govern it (lock down who can add/change data, and make it adhere to your own rules)
synchronize it (keep all your systems in tune with each other)
centralize it (set up a single master ID that keeps pointers to other systems and IDs)
log it (see how and when data changed, and which system and person did it)
analyze it (for meaningful results)
mine it (for unexpected insights)
act on it (make faster and better decisions)
enrich it (roll in data from outside sources like the Better Business Bureau, US Census Bureau, and others)
adapt it (if you acquire a new company, merging their data with your becomes much more manageable)
scale it (if you need to process 100x more information, it becomes a matter of adding new hardware as needed)

Horizon

Once it’s all running smoothly, you could also:

improve retention by finding existing customers who feel ignored
prevent fraud by comparing new data with old, according to patterns that you expect
minimize returned mail and packages by ensuring that addresses are accurate
identify your best customers (least effort, most profit = cash cows) and keep them happier
find mismatched data (do John Sr, John Jr, and John III all live at the same address? separate them)
absorb new sources and new types of data easily
stop wasting time with yoyos (customers who come and go and come and go)
find the key influencers in your network of customers and leads
grab the low-hanging fruit (least effort, big payoff)

Download the slides here

Dave Mattingly 4:24 pm on December 21, 2015

Post Mortem

Sometimes called a retrospective or autopsy, a post mortem is a means of looking back at an event or period of time, to determine what can be learned from it with an eye towards improving what doesn’t work, and keeping what does.

So, here’s how 2015 looked for me and my family — body, heart, mind, and soul.

Body / Personal / Family

There was a lot of loss this year. I lost my job, our home was robbed (twice!), we lost five(!) cars. Thanks to the robberies, our home insurance company ended their coverage, even though they didn’t pay us anything for either robbery, and we bought and installed a hidden camera motion-detecting system after the second robbery (which was a week after the first). We ended up finding insurance through Liberty Mutual at an even better rate than we were getting.

To make the thefts even more annoying, they took nearly all of our medications, which we had just refilled three-month supplies of. And since my health care coverage had just ended (thanks to losing my job), the day that we lost all those medicines, we had to pay for a month of COBRA just to be able to get those medicines refilled.

Linda nearly died in an emergency room visit when they injected her with a substance that she was allergic to. So instead of a five-hour visit, it turned into a five-day stay in ICU and recovery. We checked with an attorney who said we didn’t have enough proof of wrongdoing/incompetence to do anything.

I had a “UEO”, an unidentified encephalic occurrence. Basically, a stroke that wasn’t a stroke. My brain got all weird and slow, my limbs went numb and tingly, and my speech became less intelligible. The U part of UEO means that the neurologist couldn’t find the cause, and by the time (seven weeks later) that I saw him, the symptoms were all gone.

Heart / Emotional / Arts

Boy, there were plenty of funerals this year. My aunt Dale passed away, and we helped her family with the estate. My friends Steve Goldberg, Ryan Kemp, Elizabeth Burnley, Debi Magnes, and Darren Routt passed away. Plus a few celebrities I looked up to, like Roddy Piper and Mick Lynch.

I attended the Sing-Off at the Louisville Palace, the Nutcracker Suite at KY Center for the Arts (with my niece dancing on stage!), the Real Inspector Hound (a play-within-a-play), Superman: the Musical, the Connect|Disconnect art exhibit, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, The Tick!, Project KempProv, the Theater Alliance of Louisville meeting, Market of Mischief with Louis-Villainz.

I cut back on the sci-fi / comic / literary shows that I attend, but this year I still went to ConGlomeration, Mo*Con, WonderFest, Origins Game Fair, GenCon, Imaginarium, and the Louisville Comic Con.

Mind / Technical / Career

I started a new job at Baptist Health. There were several irons in the fire, and it was wonderful to be able to choose among some good offers (tech exec at a startup, budding data scientist at a large insurance company, or data master at a chain of hospitals). Baptist is a great company to work for. I get to do cool stuff with great people, and learn a lot as I go.

I launched TechFest Louisville! That’s a post for another time.

I spoke at a lot of conferences. I spoke at CodepaLOUsa, the Louisville Agile Forum, SQL Saturdays in Nashville, Chattanooga, Atlanta, Columbus, Indianapolis, and Louisville, and Dress for Success.

I was there for many other big events, like VEX Worlds (the worldwide championship of robotic competitions) and the opening of Chattanooga’s TechTown (an amazing makerspace/creative studio for kids).

I attended gobs of other events, like half a dozen Open Coffees, two Startup Weekends, Gear-Up, S#*! I Wish I Knew, the Tech Security Conference, two Non-Profit Toolbox conferences, the SBIR/STTR Road Show, the IoT Developer’s Workshop, the How-To Festival, MapTime, the CIO Symposium, the JDRF Diabetes Summit, GeoEd 15, XlerateHealth Demo Day, Mini-Maker Faire, DerbyCon, World Trade Day, TALK‘s tour of the BioAssemblyBot, the Vogt Awards, the Civic Data Alliance party, the Louisville Digital Association party, and TALK’s panel on EMV and retail tech.

Soul / Spiritual

I taught several classes at Southeast Christian, I preached at Bible Abridged: the Complete Word of God in 90 Minutes, ConGlomeration, Imaginarium, and the Louisville Comic Con. I helped the Grave Robbers ministry (an outreach to goths and punks) at Ichthus Festival, and met a variety of ministries at the Global Missions Health Conference.

The Year in Photos

Dave Mattingly 3:51 pm on December 16, 2015

Louisville Music

I used to be a radio DJ back in the ’80s and ’90s, focusing mostly on punk and comedy. In a way, I guess my whole life continues to focus on punk and comedy…

One of my favorite Louisville singers, Joan Shelley, just made the LA Times’ Best Albums of 2015 list.

And Houndmouth just made David “World Cafe” Dye’s Top Ten Albums of 2015.

Here are some local bands that I like, organized vaguely by genre:

PUNK
- Debauchees, girl punk band with a nerdy bent
- Adventure, punk-pop with a twist of wry
- Julie of the Wolves, hard energetic girl punk
- Ritchie White Orchestra, serious rockers telling stories
- Revenge of Ricky Williams, fast and fun, featuring Punk Rock Pam
- The Workers, angry for a cause
- Sonic Epitaph, goth-punk instrumental
FOLK
- Joan Shelley, as mentioned in the LA Times
- Maiden Radio, a trio of lovely voices
- Bonnie Prince Billy, lilting folk-punk
- Kri & Hettie, fun and inspirational
- Freakwater, harmonic edgy alt-country
- Brigid Kaelin, upbeat accordion-playing Scot
- Nick Peay, narrative lyrical crusader
ODD
- Howell Dawdy, fearless wit and avant garde
- Leopard Percussionists, rocking the elementral schools with xylophones and drums
SOUL
- Teneia Sanders, heartache that make you smile
- Cheyenne Marie Mize, hip-hop folky funk
- Joan Osborne, multi-talented experimental woman
ALT POP
- Jim James, best known for fronting My Morning Jacket, but I prefer his solo stuff
- You’re My Density, indie garage band funk
- Houndmouth, light-pop rising star
- Wax Fang, effervescent prog rock
- Stonewheel, acoustic pop reminiscent of R.E.M.
- Dave Moisan, community-minded and energetic
- Quiet Hollers, post-hardcore garage band
- Matt Duncan, disco throwback
- King Kong, conceptual humorous rock
JAZZ
- Small Time Napoleon, evolving blend of jazz and folk
- Lucky Pineapple, eclectic mix ranging from jazz to punk
ROCK
- Broken Spurs, country rock party sound
- Villebillies, infectious hip-hop rock
- Deloreans, once described by my friend as a cross between Bowie and Iggy

Here are some likely radio stations where you might hear some of these groups:

WFPK, the NPR king of indie radio
WNAS, broadcast from a high school for 75 years
ARTxFM, online station with a radio frequency forthcoming
Crescent Hill Radio, all local all the time
Ville TV, online TV that also covers the local music scene

The blog Backseat Sandbar keeps an extensive list of local talent, venues, shops, etc.

Read the blog series Dave Mattingly: The Musical

Dave Mattingly 2:45 pm on December 8, 2015

Sheep Versus Goats

I’m a Christian, and sometimes a teacher/preacher.

I wanted to focus on ways that we can help those in need. To throw on a goofy nerdy spin, I gave the lesson an odd title.

SHEEP VERSUS GOATS!

DISCUSS

What do you think are some of God’s priorities for church ministry?
What gets in the way of us following them?

SCRIPTURE

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and with all the angels, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered, and he will separate people as a shepherd separates sheep from goats.

He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

He will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Take your inheritance: the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you fed me; thirsty and you gave me water; homeless and you invited me in; naked and you clothed me; sick and you tended to me; in prison and you visited me.”

The righteous will ask, “When did we see you like that and do that stuff you said?”

The King will reply, “Whatever you did for one of the least of my brothers and sisters, you did for me.”

To those on his left he will say, “Away with you, cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. For I was hungry and thirsty, homeless and naked, and you gave me nothing. I was sick and jailed, and you did not visit.”

They will ask, “When did we not help you?”

He will reply, “Weren’t you just listening when I told the sheep? Whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me.”

Then he will send the wicked to eternal punishment, and bring the righteous to eternal life.”

(Matthew 25:31-46, the unauthorized “Dave’s summary of stuff so it all fits well on slides” translation)

IN CONTEXT

The sheep/goat story was the unifying conclusion of several stories that Jesus told in (apparently) a single sermon.

The end times will come (Matthew 24:1-35)
WATCH — there is a deadline to all of this
Unknown hour (Matthew 24:35-51)
WAIT — you won’t know when it’s coming
Ten bridesmaids (Matthew 25:1-13)
PREPARE — be ready to act
The talents (Matthew 25:14-30)
GIVE — to whom much is given, much is required
Sheep and goats (Matthew 25:31-46)
GET — we’ll all get what’s coming to us

COMING BACK

This was not the only time that Christ’s return and judgment were brought up. Here are a few others.

The Son of Man will come in his Father’s glory with his angels to reward each person for what they have done. (Matthew 16:27)
The Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and the trumpet call of God. (1 Thessalonians 4:16)
Enoch* prophesied, “See, the Lord is coming with thousands of his holy ones to judge everyone and to convict them of all the ungodly acts they have committed and the defiant words they have spoken.” (Jude 1:14-15)
- Enoch was old school Old Testament, from the pre-flood days, and went to heaven without dying first.

HELP THE NEEDY

Share your food with the hungry and provide shelter to the homeless. When you see the naked, provide them with clothing. (Isaiah 58:7)
Share with the Lord’s people in need. Practice hospitality. (Romans 12:13)
If your brother is without clothes and food, but you do nothing about his physical needs, what good is that? (James 2:15)
If you see your brother in need, yet close your heart against him, does God’s love truly abide in you? (1 John 3:17)
God will remember the love you have shown to him by helping his people. (Hebrews 6:10)
When you host a banquet, invite the poor, crippled, lame, and blind, who cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection. (Luke 14:12-14)
Remember those in prison as if you were together with them, and those who are mistreated as if you suffer with them. (Hebrews 13:3)
Visit orphans and widows in their suffering, to keep yourself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27)
Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none. (Luke 3:10)
A young man followed Jesus wearing nothing but a linen garment. When the soldiers seized him, he left his garment behind and ran away naked.* (Mark 14:51)
* Say what? Yes, there was a streaker with Jesus when he was arrested…
It is more blessed to give than to receive. (Acts 20:35)
God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Corinthians 9:7)
Oppressing the poor scorns their Maker, but kindness to the needy honors God. (Proverbs 14:31)

JESUS SUFFERED

“For I was hungry and you fed me; thirsty and you gave me water; homeless and you invited me in; naked and you clothed me; sick and you tended to me; in prison and you visited me.”

After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. (Matthew 4:2)
Jesus knew that his mission was now finished, and to fulfill Scripture he said, “I am thirsty.” (John 19:28)
Jesus said, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:20)
Once the soldiers crucified Jesus, they divided his clothes among the four of them. (John 19:23)
Jesus prayed fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.* (Luke 22:44)
* Luke (a doctor) described a medical condition known as hematohidrosis. Blood vessels are all around our body, including near the sweat glands. Under stress these vessels constrict. In rare cases of extremely intense stress, they constrict so much that they close off. When that happens, the pumping blood escapes into the sweat glands and mixes with sweat.
Then the soldiers arrested Jesusand bound him. (John 18:12)