I co-wrote the comedy skit stage show Company OutCast‘s Best Bits, a Monty Pythonesque revue and tribute.

They wanted to have a hymn parody, along the lines of the Python’s “All Things Dull and Ugly.” I put together this tour de farce based on “Amazing Grace,” but we ended up not using it in the show.

So here, for your amusement, is a Special Feature — a deleted scene from the show.

A Grazing Mace

A grazing mace twas but a scratch
that struck a knight like me
No man may pass upon this path
for I will smiteth he

A logging place where I could leap
from tree to mighty tree
I like to dress in women’s clothes
and go to the lavat’ry

A squawking face could speak and sing
if he had life like me
Norwegian blue could fly so free
but he has ceased to be

A fighting space lets me behave
as contradictory
I argue with our customers
if they have paid the fee

A walking pace takes me to work
for public ministry
of silly walks and strolls and struts
that are cockamamie

(c) Dave Mattingly, 2019